Thanksgiving

Didn't I say that everything's gonna be alright?

Well, it's actually way better than alright now, more like awesome!

I just thought that I should write this so that whoever is actually still reading my blog would know that there's always hope, no matter how dire the circumstances.

I didn't wanna mention this earlier because I felt like it might have been my wishful thinking, but when I prayed, I felt like God was telling me everything would be okay by Oct. And it is.

So, this is me giving thanks and some sort of testimony I guess.

Have faith, guys.

Blame it on the Night

I love the night and yet, it's the nights that feel the worse. I guess it's because there's nothing much to distract or occupy me at night and all the thoughts which I suppress during the day just floods my mind.

The doubts that fill me are many, but I know I'll be alright in a couple of hours. Hope is the most beautiful thing to me right now. I just don't know how many more of these nights I can take before it loses its beauty.

I'm scared.

What Happens When You Lose the Love of Your Life

You finally met THE ONE and everything fell into place. You didn’t see him as your boyfriend, but as the man you were going to marry. He said you were a team, that he would fight anything to be with you, that he had never met anyone who fit him as well as you did.

But then shit happened. Love wasn’t enough, not when there was a whole other load of external circumstances to contend with. Things beyond your control, things beyond his control.

And something that you’d thought would never end, did.

Suddenly, all those sad love songs make sense. You’d always scoffed at “Someone Like You”, wondering why the hell you’d wanna find someone like your ex. Wishing him the best? No way in hell! Now you nod sagely like you’ve attained enlightenment and sing sadly along when you hear it. 

Likewise, all those cliché love quotes which sounded so dumb actually becomes.. Legit. “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” *nods* “If you love someone, let them go. If it’s meant to be, they will come back.” *nods*

You used to get over breakups easily, speeding up the process by dating again. But now, you don’t even want to date because you know you will end up comparing all of them to him and ending up in tears. You also don’t want to taint the relationship the both of you had, with something less meaningful.

Another thing you never understood was why people kept photos or items which contain memories of their exes; you always threw and deleted anything that contained memories because those were the worst. This time around, you get it. You just want to keep any piece of them that you have left, anything to substantiate the fact that the relationship happened. It’s not something you want to forget, but something you will always want to remember.

You realize that love doesn’t conquer all. Those fairy tales do not exist. Prince Charming will not come and sweep you off your feet for a happy ending. Things aren’t that simple. So, you fight. You be the heroine of your own story. You pray, pray that those circumstances will eventually change and you can be together again. You wait, not because you are unable to find another partner, but because you do not want to settle now that you know what love really feels like.

It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it.



This was the original post I submitted before Thought Catalog edited the paragraphing and font. I also wanna add that I used to think the length of time a couple is together is important to determine how much you love each other, but I was wrong. I just knew with him. The feeling was totally different and I had never been surer of any relationship before.

But ya, shit happens. And I'm not gonna be any less positive because of that. Because faith and hope come together with love.

Everything's Gonna Be Alright

Ok, no more emo shit. At least not on this blog.

When I pray, I know everything's gonna be okay. We just need a little more faith and patience. I know it's easier said than done, but isn't that what faith is about? Believing even when it seems impossible. You know nothing is impossible to Him.

I'm gonna be patient and be happy. Because everything will be alright, in His time.

The Sun Will Come Out, Tomorrow.

It's raining again.

I wanted to list down everything I miss about you but I decided to do that in the other blog, the one where I write to you everyday, the one which only you will be able to see one day. 

I'm starting to feel a little distant and I'm scared. I wonder if you still think about me. I wonder if you still think about us. Because I do. All the time.

I'm starting to doubt myself. Am I doing the right thing? For me, for you and for us? (This just reminded me of the Michael Jackson references you used to make.) Sigh.

I'm so angry with myself for being emotional but it's just one of those days. I'll be okay tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day.

下雨天

下雨天了怎么办 我好想你
我不敢打给你 我找不到原因
为什么失眠的声音 变得好熟悉
沉默的场景 做你的代替
陪我听雨停

期待让人越来越沉溺
谁和我一样 等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会 寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞 一个人擦泪 一个人好累

怎样的雨 怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大 天要多黑
才能够有你的体贴
其实没有我你分不出哪些差别
结局那还能多明显
别说你会难过 别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

期待让人越来越疲惫
谁和我一样 等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会 寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞 一个人擦泪 一个人好累

Have faith

Just like that, it's been a month already. It's been a month only. I feel as though months have passed and everything still reminds me of you. Not that I don't want to be reminded, but sometimes it's too much to take. Hence, the distractions such as dramas or books. 

I tell myself to stay strong and positive, to have faith and believe, things I used to tell you. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling if I'm already feeling this way. I just wish I could be with you through this and it hurts me coz I know you're hurting. 

Have faith and hold on k? I'm rooting for you. We all are. 

A Note to You

I want you to know that I'm always thinking about you. I still write to you everyday.

Please remember to be kind to yourself. Don't make me worry about you k? The best thing you can do for me right now if you even still want to do anything for me is to take good care of yourself and believe things will get better, because it will.

And remember, you're not alone.

#tbt

It's still a special day to me today. This date will always be special to me and I will never forget it.

Please, don't worry about me and go focus on what you need to do. Remember how we said we were 2 wholes and not 2 halves? I can survive and still be happy without you, just that I'd rather not be without you because you know, we're so much happier together. Go focus on what you need to do and come back to me k? I'm staying strong just knowing that you will remember eventually. Fighting, love!

Jinjja jinjja bogulshipda chagiya.

Thank You

I notice the things you do and it gives me strength to hold on.

I'm writing to you everyday and one day I will show it all to you. 

Write to me too if you can and we'll catch up on each other's lives when the time is right.

I'll be here, waiting.

You and I; Me and You

We were supposed to be a team. You told me countless times how you'll never leave, how you'll fight for us, how you'll never let me go and how we will always support and encourage each other. I know that part of you is not gone, it's just hidden somewhere inside you.

And I'll be waiting till you remember.

There are so many things that I wish to say to you but what we have is too special to me to say anymore here. So till then, I'm gonna be the same person you fell in love with; the one who sees the good in everything. I'm definitely thankful for all the support I'm getting and I'll pick myself up and stay as joyful as I can.

So if you see me being happy, it's not that I don't miss you, I'm just trying my best to stay strong for us.

x infinity^infinity always.

The Day I Made One of the Best Decisions Ever

*Before you start reading this post, I just wanna warn you guys that it’s gonna be mushy overload and if you can’t stomach this sort of thing you would be better off reading this other post instead.

The year was 2011. I had finally gotten my Marketing Diploma and had been looking for a marketing job, any marketing job, for about 3 months. On that day, I was at one of the shops in Bugis Junction browsing through clothes when I received a call informing me that I secured the Marketing Coordinator position at UWS. The interview had just taken place 3 hours prior to the call so I was quite surprised. Some of my friends told me the fact that they decided to hire so hastily may not have been a good thing and that they may be very short-handed. But I took it anyway.

The first 6 months of the job was hell for me and I really wanted to quit, but somehow I stayed on. This went on for a couple of years till one day a new colleague, Marie, joined us. I was excited because she was also an IJ girl and I guess it felt like we had some kinda affinity as she was also a Catholic. Turns out she was really affable and I kept telling her she was one of the nicest girls I knew!

Fast forward a couple of years later, she told me she wanted to introduce me to one of the nicest guys SHE knew (probably after hearing me lament so many times about how it’s so hard to find a good guy nowadays) and though I was a little hesitant, I had just started being open to meeting friends of friends and thought why not.

I was quite nervous on the day we met but Kingston’s friendliness eased me and playing Cards Against Humanity definitely helped a lot! I found out later he was a little nervous too and initially thought I looked abit unfriendly. =x I thought he was cute and friendly, but what I liked the most was that we could have long conversations. At the end of that day, he gave me a lift home and we ended up sitting at my void deck, so immersed in conversation that we didn’t even realize 4 hours had passed.

But I was totally not expecting that I would fall head over heels in love with this awesome guy.

I love him so much I don’t even know where to begin or how to even put it in proper words but I’ll try. I love it that he’s close to his family and friends. I love it that he has such a kind heart and is nice to everyone. I love his positivity and chillness. I love that he’s always looking towards God for guidance. These are just the main points; if I list everything I love about him this will be a VERY long post because I love everything about him!

He’s the sweetest to me, always so understanding and supportive of everything. He is super thoughtful, even with the small things like sending me up all the way to my gate, wanting to carry my stuff ALL THE TIME, always making sure he’s walking on my left (I prefer that coz my bag is on my right) and countless other things! He takes an interest in things I do and am interested in and reads my blog (HI LOVE!) even though he doesn’t really like to read.

He makes me wanna believe in fairy tales again. He makes me laugh at the cutely silly things he says and does. He makes me feel secure, like I can really trust him with all my heart (which is a little scary, but I’m all in this time). He makes me feel loved. He makes me want to be a better person (yeah so cliché I know, but it’s a fact!). He is literally EVERYTHING I wanted and more.

A lot of people say that this is just the honeymoon period and that it will pass, but even if it does, I have a really good feeling about us. It feels different and it just feels right. I was right, there are still good guys around. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have someone like him in my life, but I’m thanking God (and Marie!) for this blessing and I’m just gonna enjoy this for as long as I can (hopefully VERY VERY VERY long).

So ya, looking back, the day I chose to accept the UWS job I made one of the best decisions of my life. If not I would never have met Marie and never have met him.

Sorry for the lengthy and super mushy post, here’s a photo of us (photobombed by the dustbin) to balance out all these words! :D

Happy New Year!

Doesn't time fly when you're having fun/really busy? For me, I guess I've been really busy.. having fun. I hate it when the New Year comes and I have to add a year to my age when my birthday was just a couple of months back. And I still feel like 18! I wonder when I'll ever start feeling old..

Anyway, it's been a long time since I made a New Year resolution as I realised I never fulfil them, but this year I'm making one which I really feel I can go through with!

Workout thrice a week.

I've been going twice a week pretty religiously in 2015, so I thought why not try one more day and make better use of the gym membership? Also, I've been eating way too much and maybe if I go an extra day I'll finally start losing weight? One can only hope.

As a start, I went for the New Year special 2 hour bodycombat class on 1st Jan and my body is in so much pain right now. The good kind of pain though, that makes me feel happy coz it's a reminder that I exercised! Some of my friends warned me that the gym would be super crowded with people trying to kick start their New Year's resolution, but thankfully, it wasn't.

I also really, REALLY want to blog more and I hope I won't be too busy/lazy to do so. Hence, this short blog post.

Turning 30

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY 30 ALREADY!

That said, I still feel very much like 18 though. I guess some people actually become more mature and responsible as they age and some *ahem* just, though I very much hate to admit this, age physically.

What does growing up actually mean other than learning through experiences? People always say," I've tasted more salt than you.", but "taste more salt" so what? You're more prone to kidney failure? Does "tasting more salt" even mean that you know any better? Maybe that's why we actually get more afraid of everything and become more cynical as we age, thinking that the world is an awful place. Coz we read about accidents and crime in newspapers and we remember the bad experiences we had. Newspapers ain't gonna keep writing about good things that happened or kind acts, that's probably why they say "no news is good news". And people just tend to remember the bad things over the good because hurt leaves a deeper impact than happiness I guess.

Thankfully, for some reason I remember the good. While this may be bad when trying to forget someone, it actually really makes me appreciate life and be totally contented. Of course, that's also coz my life is really quite awesome. The bad thing is, I don't seem to learn from my mistakes and I'm so contented that I don't feel the need to push myself harder. So I guess I'm gonna have to try to balance it out abit, be a little wary of things and also strive to achieve more (but I'm very contented where I am nowwwwww).

Which brings me to.. I'M GONNA START A NEW BLOG!

Recently some kind friends have been encouraging me to write more so I wrote a post and sent it to Thought Catalog and 2 other Singapore sites. One of them rejected it, the other didn't even reply and after 2 weeks when I thought all hope was lost, I received an email from Thought Catalog!

I was deliriously happy! Though that has since died down and I'm feeling like maybe anyone who sends stuff there can get published, it has been a major motivation to me to keep writing and not to forget my passion!

I didn't wanna continue using this blog coz the name is kinda kiddish (yes I'm aware but cut me some slack, I started it almost a decade ago!) and I didn't wanna delete it either coz there's alot of memories in here. So, emo personal posts will still be here while the other blog will be more informative (hopefully).

Anyways, new address is pinkmistsg.blogspot.com!

Ok, I know you guys must be thinking like wtf is the difference and how is that name not even kiddish but people have told me that the baby sounds like some ah lian and it wasn't even supposed to be baby in an ah lian way! It was supposed to be babypink like the COLOUR!! Now you know.

this.

the long lost love.

So here I am, in the middle of the night on a work day, unable to sleep again. Not sure if its the 3 cups of coffee I had or all the crazy, jumbled thoughts running through my head. So I decided to do something I haven't done for a long long time.. This.

Haven't been blogging as I don't like to write in detail about personal issues and the past few months have been an emotional turmoil for me. Guess the dust has finally kinda settled.. But yet I still have this unsettling feeling that something is not right. I just realized how much of an indecisive person I am; always second-guessing myself and having conflicted emotions.

I feel like I'm suddenly not really the person I was and not someone I'd wanna be. Sigh. I don't wanna lose myself. Anyway, just wanted to do this short rant to connect abit with something I truly love. Write a little and take comfort in it. My thoughts are all messed up, so sorry if the post is incoherent as well.

On a side note, I've been wanting to change my blog skin AND blog more often (I know I've been saying that for ages)! Hopefully I'll get some motivation to do it soon!

Just another (sun)day..

Not sure if its the weather. Or the waking up late. Or missing church. Or the you I don't wanna think of. Or the uncertainty of what to do with my life. Or knowing that I have no discipline yet not changing. Or the loneliness that creeps in on days like these. Or the fact that I should grow up but I don't want to. Or thinking of the upcoming busy week ahead at work.

Or all of the above.

But I just feel super emo today and I hate feeling this way. Time to exercise and get some endorphins to make myself happy again! Tomorrow will be a better day! And I will work towards being a better person.

new year, old habits.

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

So, instead of my yearly post about resolutions and what I'm gonna achieve this year, I decided to post about stuff that I ALREADY did!

I realize I've been reading and blogging less over the past year and I totally blame that on all the addictive k-dramas! I decided to stop procrastinating and start doing something TODAY, so I..

1) Cleared my room. Okay, maybe just one small section. And I might've just shifted my stuff elsewhere. But at least i have a small area which looks neat now!

2) Read.. A magazine. Still counts, I don't care. I've learnt a lot of life lessons by reading CLEO okay? Don't judge me! :x

3) Blogged! Will try to revamp my entire blog soon and update more often so that I won't forget my passion.

Okay.. To be honest there's really a lot I wish I managed to do last year. Like quit smoking and start studying and saving. But I'm happy that I managed to sustain the exercise routine and cut down on clubbing/drinking though.

They say it takes 21 days for something to become a habit, but they forgot to mention how much discipline is required just to pass that 21 long days.

Gonna end this post with my brother's tweet. So proud of him for being positive and grateful! Yes, 2012 was a good year and may 2013 be even better!

a whole new world.. not that far away.

Ok, I have approximately half an hour to type an entry on Genting, which should be easy coz its like my FAVOURITE part of Malaysia!

I was looking through tweets when I realised Nuffnang is actually giving away an ALL-EXPENSES paid trip to Genting and WE get to choose the itinerary.. NICE.

There are many attractions that I actually have seen/love seeing/would love to see again in Genting, but the top 3 would have to be..

1. Theme Park!

Out of the 5 times I went to Genting, I went to the theme park 4 times! And no, I didn't get sick of it.. The one time I didn't go was only because the rest of my friends just wanted to gamble! Ok fine, I wanted to gamble too. :x But the theme park is really quite awesome and well worth the money! Its only RM$66 and includes the Outdoor Theme Park, First World Indoor Theme Park, Rainforest Splash Pool and Flying Coaster (which was not included the past few times I went)!!! The Flying Coaster is one of the best rides, giving you a once-in-a-lifetime chance to feel like Superman!

2. Cineplex

I know this might sound boring.. Who goes all the way to Genting to watch a movie right? Well, I'm a movie freak and they have UPDATED shows! Better still, the movie tickets are cheaper and they have premium seats!! I'm talking massage chair premium ya.. It's perfect for people who love watching movies in comfort!

3. KTV

YES, they do have a KTV there but the place is so big you'd have to search thoroughly for it.. One of my memories during the past trips to Genting is having lunch at the KTV and singing for about 4-5 hours and the cost was of coz wayyy cheaper than Singapore. 

And now it's my favourite part.. Choosing the meals! I'm such a glutton aren't I?

First day when we reach it'd be around lunch time.. I'd head to the Bakery at Maxims Genting for a light snack coz I'll be so excited that I'll wanna wander around before settling in! Then I'll be so hungry at night that I'll head to New Orleans BBQ dinner! Food sounds yummy~

Second day I'll wanna go to Genting Palace Restaurant for a dim sum breakfast as they serve dim sum on Sunday!! Gonna eat ALOT so I'll eat less for lunch. Hehe. And by less I mean the signature Hainanese Chicken Rice from Restoran Hainan Kitchen. Ate it before.. It's so good!! Dinner woould have to be somewhere with an awesome ambience.. I think I'll have a pasta and wine at Bubbles & Bites! The place looks cozy and great to relax at!

On the last day, I'll want something to fill me up for the journey back home so I'll go for the breakfast buffet at Coffee Terrace!

Sorry that this is so rushed and I didn't have time to include any photos, however I assure you I'll add photos of my NEXT Genting trip.. Which hopefully would be really soon! *fingers crossed*

In the meantime..

Book your holiday with Genting’s iHoliday booking engine for a convenient one-stop solution! =)

how a conscience is lost

At first, it starts with curiosity. You know it's wrong but you just decide to do it one day just to see how it feels like.

You feel guilty after and it eats at you. But after a long while, you forget the guilt and only remember the fun. So you decide to do it again.

This time you feel less guilty and think of reasons to justify your wrongdoings. The fear of being found out is less; after all, you've done it once before without getting caught.

The time lapses between each incident get shorter and shorter.. Till you don't fear being caught and there's no guilt whatsoever.

That's how you lose your conscience.

And honestly, I think it might feel better than all the things I'm feeling now.